We know the fight-flight-freeze-response, but what is the fawn response?
Fight-Flight-Freeze-Fawn: Trauma Survival Responses
Most people have heard of "fight, flight, or freeze" when it comes to trauma responses. But there's another survival response that doesn’t get talked about enough — fawning. If you’ve ever abandoned your own needs to keep someone else happy, this blog is for you.
Fight-Flight-Freeze Refresh
The fight, flight, or freeze response — is the fear system built into our nervous system to help us survive danger.
It’s been with us throughout human history, designed to protect us from real threats.
For example, many years ago, if a tiger was chasing you, your body’s threat response would kick in. You might run away faster than usual (flight), or depending on the situation, you might freeze and play dead (freeze) to survive.
Even witnessing something traumatic could trigger this system — causing you to numb out, detach, or dissociate just to get through it.
All of these are ways your sympathetic nervous system responds to danger: activating adrenaline, heightening alertness, and doing whatever it takes to keep you alive.
Without this system, traumatic or overwhelming events could completely overwhelm your body and mind.
The challenge with trauma is that even after the event is over, your body might stay stuck in a chronic state of fight, flight, or freeze — even when you’re actually safe.
Your nervous system doesn’t realize the danger has passed.
Instead, it keeps scanning for threats based on old trauma memories, constantly triggering that survival mode.
You might feel like you’re always on edge, anxious, and waiting for something bad to happen.
Or, you might experience the opposite — feeling numb, detached, or emotionally shut down.
Both are ways your body is trying to protect you by staying ready for danger that isn’t actually there anymore.
Fawn Response
Now, there’s another survival response that’s often less talked about: the fawn response.
The fawn response happens when you try to avoid danger or distress by appeasing the threat — by keeping others happy to stay safe.
This might look like:
People-pleasing and saying yes when you really mean no
Over-explaining yourself, over-apologizing, or taking blame to smooth things over
Submitting to what others want while neglecting your own needs, feelings, or boundaries
Fawning was (and sometimes still is) a powerful survival mechanism.
It can also be a symptom of complex PTSD (C-PTSD), where you learned that the safest way to stay connected — and avoid emotional or physical harm — was to put others’ needs ahead of your own.
When fawning becomes automatic, you end up abandoning yourself to keep the peace, prevent conflict, and protect your relationships — even when it costs you your own well-being.
Signs of the fawn response:
People pleasing and saying yes when you mean no
Doing anything to “keep the peace” to avoid conflict, making yourself small or invisible for it
Adhering to other peoples wants, needs, desires and feeling afraid to attend to yours or neglect theirs, out of fear of their reaction/response
Minimizing your needs, feelings, or pain and trouble expressing them because it feels dangerous or “too much”
Rushing to reassure or comfort someone who hurt you and dismissing your own hurt
Mirroring other peoples opinions, likes, or behaviors to be accepted
Difficulty with or lack of boundary setting - extreme anxiety or guilt when you try
Feeling shakey, numb, or frozen when you try to advocate for yourself so you end up not following through or trying
Constant apologizing of over-explaining yourself - particularly when someone else hurt you just to calm them down and avoid escalation
Taking blame for things that arent your fault to keep things from getting worse
Praising and complimenting other people, even if you don't mean it to keep yourself safe and them happy
Helping other people and feeling overly-responsible to their emotions
Intense shame, guilt, and fear when you can't meet someone else's expectations or requests
Pretending you are okay, smiling, or laughing when you are uncomfortable, scared, or in pain
Changing your personality to stay safe or be liked
Keeping a smile on your face or appearing happy at all times
Trying to predict other people's feelings, monitoring their moods and anticipate their needs (hypervigilance) in order to prevent conflict
Discomfort when you receive care or attention
If these sound familiar to you, it's because they are aligned with the signs of codependency and people pleasing (in my other blogs). That is because someone with codependency, is acting from a state of fawn usually. Both can be symptoms of complex ptsd and result in low self worth.
Fawning is a trauma response and you are people pleasing, however if you’re a people pleaser that doesn’t necessarily mean you’re fawning.
Causes Of Fawning:
Whether from your attachment style and unmet needs by your caregiver, dynamics of unhealthy/abusive/neglectful relationships, dynamics of being related to or dating someone with narcissism, severe mental health issues, or addictions, parentification, or being close to someone with unpredictable and reactive behavior - these are survival strategies to keep you safe.
Childhood trauma or abuse - emotional volatility, abuse, or neglectful caregivers - you learned to keep yourself safe by appeasing/managing them
Emotional neglect - expressing your needs or feelings led to punishment, rejection, or being ignored/silent treatment
Living with someone unpredictable - having to constantly monitor their mood and behaviors ( like a caregiver with anger issues, addiction, mental health disorders, narcissism)
Attachment trauma - early attachment wounds (inconsistent or unsafe caregiving) may have taught you that being yourself isnt safe so you match the other person to keep the connection
Repeated experiences of threat or violence - emotional, verbal, or physical
Controlling relationships - if being yourself or disagreement turned into conflict, escalation, and being punished - fawning became a way to survive
That is me! Now what do I do?
Address it in therapy! Talk about it, name it, and start working on healing these responses. Awareness is always key so the insight that this is something you do is a huge step. Make sure you're working on it with someone trauma-informed.
Work on identifying what your needs, wants, values, and opinions are - you likely aren’t sure what is yours and whats from others
Start working on learning what boundaries are and how to set/maintain them effectively, with shifting your relationship to guilt
Practice saying no and having a plan immediately after so you can tolerate the distress
Practice regular self care, getting used to taking care of yourself and attending to your needs
Journal and practice mindfulness skills - breathwork, grounding, yoga, meditation, writing - outlets to keep you connected to yourself
Reach out to your support system, you do deserve to receive help and asking for it may feel hard but it's important and brave. Begin sharing when you are not okay and letting people support you
Self-compassion. It takes time to undo these patterns, give yourself compassion for having to fawn to protect yourself and in the present too. If you backtrack, that's okay. It takes time!
If this is your immediate trauma response, make sure you are doing trauma-work in your therapy. For ex: EMDR, IFS, somatic approaches, or another evidence based trauma treatment.
