To break the cycle of putting everyone above yourself and start honoring your needs.
People Pleasing & Codependency Therapy in New York City
You’ve always been the giver and the doer. But sometimes you wonder when it’s your turn to receive.
You’re the “Mature” “dependable” one, the “easy going” one, the “peacemaker.” The person others lean on and seek advice from.
Under the surface, you feel anxious, resentful, or unseen. You say yes when you mean no. You avoid conflict, over-apologize, over-give, and shape-shift in relationships just to feel safe. You find your worth in what you achieve and who you help. You were likely praised for being mature, easy going, or the “good one.” You’re exhausted - and wondering when it gets to be your turn to receive.
People pleasing, high functioning codependency, and perfectionism aren’t personality flaws or about being “nice.” They’re protective patterns, often rooted in trauma, fear, or early experiences where love and approval felt conditional. You may have learned to stay small, stay helpful, or stay silent (fawning) to avoid being rejected, abandoned, or to keep the peace for safety. But now, those strategies are costing you your self-worth, your boundaries, and your peace. It’s time to stop abandoning yourself to keep others comfortable.
In therapy, we’ll get to the root cause of people-pleasing, perfectionism, and codependent cycles - unpacking where these patterns began and working toward building a stronger sense of self. One that doesn’t rely on approval, performance, or peacekeeping.
We’ll explore how to set and maintain boundaries without spiraling into guilt or anxiety, so you can finally create more balanced, fulfilling relationships. Together, we’ll reconnect you to your needs, your values, your voice, your authenticity, and your worth.
To learn more about the differences of each of the above and how we’ll address them in therapy, scroll below:
Understanding the Root of People-Pleasing, Codependency & Perfectionism
These patterns - people-pleasing, codependency, perfectionism - aren’t just “bad habits.” They’re survival strategies. Protective parts of you that helped you feel safe, loved, or in control when things were unpredictable or overwhelming.
My approach is relational, somatic, and trauma-informed - grounded in nervous system work, not just mindset work. Together, we’ll gently unpack where these patterns come from and help you build a stronger relationship with your needs, your voice, and your worth.
This isn’t about fixing you. It’s about finally reconnecting to your most authentic self and your intuition! It’s always been there, you just have to find it again.
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You say “yes” even when your body is screaming “no.” You over-explain, over-apologize, and feel responsible for how others feel or react. You pride yourself on being easygoing, thoughtful, and supportive - but underneath is a fear of conflict, rejection, disappointing others, or being seen as selfish.
People-pleasing isn’t the same as kindness. Kindness comes from genuine care and choice - it feels mutual, energizing, and aligned.
People-pleasing, on the other hand, often comes from fear or pressure. It’s about keeping the peace, avoiding conflict, or earning love and approval. If being “kind” leaves you resentful, depleted, or anxious, it might actually be self-abandonment in disguise.
It’s often a learned survival strategy from environments where love felt conditional or safety depended on staying small, quiet, helpful, or good.Together, we’ll work toward a life where you’re no longer abandoning yourself to keep the peace.
To learn more about recognizing people pleasing patterns read here
To learn more about the fawning response read here
To learn more about overcoming people pleasing and rebuilding self trust read here -
Codependency is more than depending on others for validation or always wanting to be “helpful” -
It’s a chronic pattern of over-functioning - prioritizing other people’s emotions, needs, and wellbeing while disconnecting from your own. You might feel anxious when someone is upset with you, take on responsibility for how others feel, or struggle to identify your own preferences, needs, or identity outside of your relationships.Constantly over-extending, rescuing, fixing, and being helpful takes up your sense of identity and purpose.
You might also:
Feel guilty setting boundaries or saying no
Choose partners or friendships where you feel needed, not necessarily safe
Ignore red flags in order to avoid abandonment
Confuse love with caretaking or emotional labor
Feel lost or empty when you’re alone or not helping others
Many clients I work with say they’ve spent their whole lives focusing on keeping others okay - but never really learned how to be there for themselves.
Codependency is often rooted in relational trauma, attachment with caregivers, and unmet needs - especially if you had emotionally immature parents, no boundaries in the family system, parentification where you took on adult like roles at a young age, emotionally unavailable or absent caregivers, or environments where your role was to soothe, manage, or shrink for others.
You may have learned:
It wasn’t safe to have needs
That love had to be earned
That your worth depended on your ability to care for others
That being selfless = being good
Over time, this erodes your sense of self. You lose touch with your own voice, your intuition, your desires - because you’ve spent years reading the room, fixing, managing, and anticipating.
To learn more about signs of codependency in relationships, root causes, and healing read here
To learn more about how to stop rescuing and over-helping in relationships read here
To learn more about understanding parentification (role reversal) read here
To learn more about signs of enmeshment in families and relationships read here
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Perfectionism often looks like having it all together - being responsible, reliable, always pushing through. But underneath the success and high standards is usually a deep fear of failure, criticism, or not being enough.
You might:
Struggle to rest or slow down without feeling guilty
Overwork or over-give to feel worthy or in control
Avoid trying new things unless you know you’ll succeed
Beat yourself up for small mistakes
Feel like no matter how much you achieve, it’s never quite enough
Perfectionism is often rooted in early experiences where love, attention, or safety felt tied to performance.
Maybe you were praised for being the “easy one” or the high achiever. Maybe mistakes weren’t tolerated, emotions weren’t safe, or you were expected to hold it all together for everyone else. Over time, this can lead to internalizing the belief that your worth depends on doing more, being better, never messing up.
Many perfectionists also experience high-functioning anxiety - that constant hum of tension, pressure, or urgency. You’re always bracing for something to go wrong or trying to stay three steps ahead, because slowing down feels unsafe.
This can be:
A nervous system stuck in a chronic stress response
An inner critic that keeps you in survival mode
A learned way of staying safe, accepted, or in control
Healing perfectionism isn’t about lowering your standards - it’s about softening the pressure, reconnecting with your humanity, and allowing yourself to be fully seen without the mask of constant achievement.
To learn more about perfectionism read here
To learn more about high functioning anxiety read here
To learn more about healing a harsh inner critic with mindfulness & self compassion, read here
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At the core of people-pleasing, codependency, and perfectionism is often a deep disconnection from your own worth, identity, and inner knowing. You may have spent years shape-shifting, performing, staying silent, or tending to everyone else - just to feel safe, accepted, or needed.
But now, you're ready to come back to you.
This work is about:
Reconnecting with your needs, even if they’ve felt “too much” or inconvenient
Getting clear on your values - the ones that actually belong to you, not the ones you inherited or internalized
Learning to trust your intuition, even when it doesn’t make sense to others
Building inner safety so you can take up space, set boundaries, and speak your truth - not just occasionally, but consistently
Healing the relationship you have with yourself - especially if you’ve spent years ignoring your body’s cues or dismissing your emotional reality
This isn’t surface-level self-care. It’s deep, nervous-system-rooted healing. It’s unlearning the survival strategies that once protected you - and replacing them with self-trust, clarity, and connection.
In therapy, we’ll explore what it looks like to live in alignment with your truth - not through over-functioning or proving your worth, but by honoring who you are, what you feel, and what you need.
Together, we’ll help you feel more grounded, whole, and at home in your own life again - without guilt, without apology.
To learn about my therapy approach read here
To learn more about EMDR therapy read here
To learn more about healing your inner critic through mindful self compassion read here
Sound like you?
You feel guilty or anxious any time you set a boundary and feel responsible for how the other feels
You prioritize others’ needs and emotions over your own or don’t even know what yours are
You second-guess your decisions and struggle to trust yourself
You don’t know who you are outside of your relationships, being needed, useful, or what you achieve
Here’s what we’ll do together
Codependency, people pleasing, and perfectionism therapy can help you feel safe choosing yourself, setting boundaries, and taking up space.
We’ll take a compassionate, holistic approach to untangle the roots of your people pleasing, perfectionism, and/or codependent patterns. That means exploring how these strategies formed, how they’ve helped you survive, and how we can gently shift them without shame. Through a trauma-informed lens, somatic exercises, mindful self-compassion and acceptance skills, inner child healing, and relational therapy, we’ll rebuild your sense of self - one boundary and one moment of self-trust at a time.
We won’t just focus on insight, we’ll create felt change. Together, we’ll help your body recognize that it’s safe to speak up, say no, and take up space, without losing connection. This is the deep nervous system work that helps you stop abandoning yourself and start living more aligned, embodied, and whole. We will take a look at what emotional needs, values, and hobbies of yours are first - to start rebuilding your identity outside of other people or your achievements. We will get to know the authentic you, empower you to advocate for your needs, and make sure you come back home to yourself.
At the end of the day, I want you to know:
You don’t have to keep earning your worth by over-giving, over-achieving, and staying small. You are allowed to take up space, have needs, and be fully, unapologetically yourself. You are worthy of love that doesn’t require self-sacrifice and self-abandonment.
What we’ll work on
Imagine a life where…
You say no or set a boundary without spiraling into guilt or fear
You advocate for your needs without shrinking or over-explaining
You feel confident in who you are - even when other’s don’t agree
Your relationships feel mutual, respectful, and aligned
You stop abandoning yourself and start honoring your needs
You build up self-worth outside of how much you give, do, or accomplish
You Can Take Up Space Here :)
Questions?
FAQs
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Codependency is a pattern where your identity and emotional wellbeing become tied to someone else (read more in depth signs and root causes here). You put other people above yourself constantly, feel responsible for others’ happiness, over-give, and/or lose yourself in relationships. It’s often rooted in early attachment wounds, unhealthy family dynamics or trauma. You likely have a deep fear of abandonment and stay in relationships that don’t serve you because it feels better than being alone. Therapy can help you have healthier relationships and reconnect with yourself.
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People pleasing goes beyond kindness (read more here) - it involves abandoning your own needs, preferences, or boundaries to avoid conflict and rejection. A way to manage how people see you which feels like it regulates your emotions so you feel safe.
It’s often driven by fear not love. Fear of disappointing people, fear of rejection, fear of criticism, fear of confrontation, and fear of not being liked and loved.
Kindness and compassion, is driven by desire and autonomy - not obligation, fear, or guilt. When you’re nice you do it because you truly want to, regardless of the response and the outcome. It’s non-conditional. However, people pleasing has a need behind it.
In therapy, we work to shift from people pleasing to authentic, compassionate connection.
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Sometimes relationships shift when you start honoring tour needs - but thats not a bad thing. Healthy relationships can withstand boundaries. In fact, they thrive on them. You don’t have to choose between connection and self-respect - you deserve both. If you’d like to learn tips for setting boundaries, read more here.
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The truth is, guilt is often part of the process - especially if you’ve spent years equating your worth with being helpful, easygoing, or low-maintenance. People-pleasing usually isn’t just a “bad habit” - it’s a learned survival strategy. At some point, prioritizing others kept you safe, connected, or needed. So when you start setting boundaries or choosing yourself, it makes sense that guilt shows up. That doesn’t mean you’re doing something wrong - it means you’re healing.
In therapy, we work on untangling that guilt from your identity and shifting your relationship to it. You learn to recognize where your inner critic or anxiety is taking over, and how to build a relationship with yourself where boundaries and self-trust don’t feel selfish - they feel necessary. Over time, the guilt softens, and what replaces it is clarity, self-respect, and a version of connection that doesn’t cost you your peace. Learn more on the roots of all of this here.
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Perfectionism isn’t just about wanting things to be “neat,”
“perfect,” or “organized.” It often shows up as a constant fear of failure, difficulty resting, or tying your worth to how much you achieve.You might set impossibly high standards, feel crushed by self-criticism, or procrastinate out of fear that nothing will ever be good enough.
If you’re constantly hustling for approval, avoiding mistakes at all costs, or feeling like rest has to be earned - perfectionism therapy can help you understand where this pressure comes from and start unlearning it.
To recognize perfectionism and how to heal, read more here!
If you’re highly ambitious and have high functioning anxiety too, learn more here!