Why You Always Feel Like You’re ‘Too Much’ (And Not Enough): Healing the Root of People-Pleasing & Anxiety
Have you ever left a conversation replaying every word you said, wondering if you were too much — too emotional, too needy, too opinionated?
And yet, at the same time, carried a heavy shame-based feeling that you’re never enough — not good enough, not lovable enough, not worthy enough?
If this feels familiar, you might be stuck in a cycle of people-pleasing and perfectionism, driven by anxiety and shaped by relational trauma you’ve learned to minimize or dismiss.
As a therapist who specializes in helping anxious women unlearn these patterns, I want you to know:
You are not broken. You are not “too much.” You’re coping and surviving — and with support, healing is possible.
Why Am I a People Pleaser?
People-pleasing isn’t just about being “nice.” It’s a survival strategy.
If you grew up in a family where love felt conditional — or where you had to prioritize others’ emotions over your own — you likely learned that your safety depended on being agreeable, easy, and emotionally self-sufficient.
You may have been parentified, called “mature for your age,” or praised for being “so helpful.” Now, as an adult, you might:
Over-apologize, even when you’ve done nothing wrong
Feel responsible for managing others’ emotions
Struggle to say no without guilt
Feel anxious if someone is upset with you
Avoid conflict at all costs
Say yes when you want to say no
Neglect your own needs to prioritize others
These patterns are common in those who experienced attachment wounds, emotional neglect, or chaotic caregiving environments. Your nervous system adapted to protect you — but that protection can become exhausting.
If you’re curious to learn more about the signs of people-pleasing, where these patterns come from, and how to begin healing them, you can read more in my blog here: read my other blog
Why Do I Feel Like I’m “Too Much” and “Not Enough”?
It’s confusing and painful to feel like you’re always either overwhelming people — or letting them down.
This contradiction often stems from trauma-informed beliefs about self-worth including thoughts like:
“If I show my true emotions, I’ll scare people away.”
“If I don’t do everything perfectly, I’ll disappoint someone.”
“Asking for my needs is selfish.”
“Being my authentic self is a burden.”
“My worth is tied to what I provide for others.”
“If I set a boundary, I’ll lose the relationship.”
“Who I am at my core isn’t lovable — only what I do for people is.”
These beliefs don't come from nowhere — they’re often internalized early, in relationships where you learned your value depended on minimizing yourself and maximizing what you gave was the way to stay safe, loved, or accepted.
You might notice that now:
Attending to your own needs feels selfish.
Expressing your emotions feels dangerous or "too much."
Taking up space feels like a risk instead of a right.
When these core beliefs live in your nervous system, it can feel almost impossible to trust yourself — or to feel fully safe just being yourself.
In therapy, it’s important to explore where these patterns originated, how they’re showing up now, and what your nervous system actually needs to feel safer, more grounded, and more connected — without having to shrink yourself anymore
You’re Not Too Much — You’re Carrying Too Much
So many women I work with say things like,
➔ “I feel like I overwhelm people.”
➔ “I’m too much for everyone.”
But when we slow down, what we often discover is this:
It’s not that you’re too much.
It’s that you’ve been carrying too much — on your own — for far too long.
You’ve likely spent years being the emotional caretaker, the overachiever, the strong one, the helper — holding it all together while quietly crumbling inside.
You’ve learned how to anticipate everyone else’s needs.
You’ve learned how to be easy, flexible, self-sacrificing.
But no one taught you how to ask for help.
No one taught you that your feelings matter, too.
No one taught you that your limits are allowed to exist — and be honored.
When you’ve been carrying the emotional weight of everyone around you for so long, of course it feels heavy. Of course your system is tired.
It doesn’t mean you’re broken — it means you’ve been surviving the best way you knew how.
You Deserve Support, Too
If this blog resonated with you, know this:
These patterns were learned — and that means they can be unlearned.
Healing isn’t about becoming a “better” version of yourself. It’s about remembering who you were before survival taught you to shrink.
In therapy, you don't have to manage anyone else's feelings.
You don’t have to earn your worth.
You get to be supported, nurtured, and seen — without having to perform, fix, or apologize.
I specialize in helping anxious women, people-pleasers, perfectionists, deep feelers, and survivors of relational trauma untangle these old patterns so they can start living with more clarity, confidence, and calm.
Healing isn’t always easy or comfortable.
But it is possible — and you don’t have to walk through it alone.
Together, we’ll work toward helping you:
Feel grounded in your self-worth (even when it feels messy)
Set boundaries without guilt or second-guessing
Trust your own needs, feelings, and intuition
Take up space without apology or fear
Rebuild a relationship with yourself that feels safe and strong
You deserve a life where you don't feel like you're "too much" or "not enough" — you deserve a life where you feel whole, exactly as you are.
If you're ready to stop walking on eggshells and start building a more authentic, empowered life, I'd be honored to support you!
