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AK PSYCHOTHERAPY
About
About Me
Approach
Specialties
Trauma Therapy
Anxiety & Overwhelm Therapy
People Pleasing, Codependency, & Perfectionism Therapy
Depression & Burn Out Therapy
Services
Individual Therapy
Women's Support Group
EMDR Intensives
FAQs
FAQs
Fees
Blog
Free Consultation
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People Pleasing, Codependency, & Perfectionism Therapy
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The Hidden Cost of Hyper-Independence: Why You Struggle to Let Anyone In
Trauma Healing & Relational Wounds Alyssa Kushner, LCSW 8/7/25 Trauma Healing & Relational Wounds Alyssa Kushner, LCSW 8/7/25

The Hidden Cost of Hyper-Independence: Why You Struggle to Let Anyone In

If asking for help makes you feel ashamed or unsafe, you might be struggling with hyper-independence - a protective response rooted in trauma or unmet attachment need. Learn how it forms, how it affects relationships, and how to heal!

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Immediately apologizing or over explaining is a sign of fawning.⁣
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Of course when it comes to loved ones - sometimes you do owe an explanation.⁣
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But you don’t have to give every single detail and over explain yourself to make your no valid⁣: Self abandonment vs self consideration⁣
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Self considerations is all about⁣
✨ Validating your feelings and actually letting them out⁣
✨ Acknowledging and expressing your needs⁣
✨Prioritizing your authenticity ⁣
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And self abandonment can look like⁣
- When we’re in a state of shut down or freeze ⁣
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We want to slowly turn our system back online, reconnect with others safely, and sort of wake up our nervous system.⁣
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Gentle movement, engaging the five sense, and connecting with safe people o ✨ High-functioning codependency can be tricky to spot - because on the outside, it often looks like being helpful, reliable, and put-together. And it is! ⁣
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 But underneath, it can mean overextending, taking responsibility for everyone else, and tyi Do you ever feel like you know what you want… but the moment you choose, the doubt takes over?⁣
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This is what happens when self-trust & anxiety wounds show up. Even the smallest decisions can feel high-stakes when you’ve been condit
Do you feel guilty when you rest?⁣
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That’s not laziness -  that’s conditioning! To a world that tells us we have to do more, to relational dynamics telling us we haven’t done enough, to jobs that tell us productivity equals worth. Honestly there’s not much encouragement anyone can say right now, nothing new, nothing to “fix” the pain. But here are some things to remember 🩷 Sending love, compassion, care! Please message me if you need a referral I know plenty Sometimes we don’t have to do anything too big on our anxious days - we have to remember the smaller things.⁣
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Which resonates for you? Which did you need to hear? #anxiousdays #reminders #anxious #therapistsofinstagram #selfcompassion Colorado is always my happy, peaceful place it’s so beautiful!!! I always feel grateful getting some space from NYC and a dose of nature. When I get back, it reminds me how much I love my job, my routine, and how nice it is to see my amazing cl

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Alyssa Kushner, LCSW
alyssakushnerlcsw@gmail.com

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