Healing After Gaslighting & Chronic Invalidation: Rebuilding Self-Trust When Your Reality Was Dismissed or Minimized
If you've ever found yourself doubting your own feelings, second-guessing your memories, or apologizing and taking the blame even when you're not sure why - you might be healing from gaslighting or invalidation.
Whether it happened in a romantic relationship, a friendship, or within your family growing up, the impact can be long-lasting and deeply disorienting. It can make you feel disconnected from your emotions, unsure of your reality, and uncertain of what you’re allowed to feel!
Let’s break down what gaslighting actually is, how it differs from chronic invalidation, and why healing starts with reconnecting to your inner knowing regardless of which you’ve experienced.
What Is True Gaslighting?
“Gaslighting” has become a buzzword - sometimes used casually to describe simple disagreements. But in its truest form, gaslighting is a serious form of emotional abuse and psychological manipulation that causes you to question your own reality.
It’s not just a disagreement or someone having a different opinion.
True gaslighting slowly erodes your self-trust. It trains you to mistrust your instincts, question your memory, and doubt your emotions - especially when it comes from someone you love or once trusted.
Clients often come to therapy wondering, “Was I really gaslit?” “Maybe I’m being dramatic…” - this is meta, because now you are gaslighting yourself. Which is a tell-tale sign.
Here’s the truth: if someone repeatedly minimized your feelings, denied things you know happened, twisted your words, or made you feel like you were the problem - it likely was gaslighting.
Signs of Gaslighting in Relationships:
Gaslighting doesn’t always seem covert. Often, it’s a slow drip that quietly distorts your self-trust over time. Here are some common signs:
You constantly doubt your memory or judgment
You feel confused after most conversations
You find yourself apologizing often, even when you're not at fault
You suppress your needs to avoid conflict
You feel like you're "too sensitive" or "overreacting"
You're told you're "imagining things" when you bring up concerns
They deny or rewrite events you clearly remember
You feel like you're always walking on eggshells
You second-guess your tone, your words, even your facial expressions
You no longer trust your intuition
You isolate from others because you're ashamed or unsure of your experience
You feel dependent on their version of reality
You're criticized for having emotional reactions
You get the sense that things are "off" but can't quite name what it is
What Is Emotional Invalidation?
Emotional Invalidation is when your emotions, needs, or experiences are dismissed, minimize, or rejected - often without malicious intent (not always though). But over time, it can leave just as deep a wound.
It may sound like:
“It’s not that big of a deal.”
“You’re getting worked up over nothing.”
“You’re being dramatic.”
“You should be over it by now.”
Sighing, eye-rolling, shutting down conversations
Being given the silent treatment or ignoring you completely
You might have grown up in an environment where emotions were ignored or met with frustration, comparison, or shutdown. You might have learned that expressing hurt, sadness, or sensitivity made you "too much."
Sometimes this is purposeful and there was intent to hurt. Sometimes, it’s because the persona invalidating you doesn’t realize they are. And/or they were invalidated growing up and didn’t know any different (not to excuse, just to understand).
Gaslighting vs. Invalidation: What’s the Difference?
These two experiences often overlap, and many people experience both in close relationships or childhood homes. But here’s the key difference:
Gaslighting is intentional and manipulative. It’s a power move meant to confuse, control, or dominate.
Invalidation can be unintentional - but when it happens consistently, especially in childhood, it still erodes self-trust.
Both lead to the same outcomes:
Feeling like your emotions don’t matter
Learning to doubt yourself
Struggling to know what’s real
And when invalidation is chronic - especially when it starts young - it lays the groundwork for you to tolerate gaslighting later in life, because you’ve learned your feelings aren’t valid in the first place
What Happens When You're Gaslit or Invalidated
Whether it's gaslighting, invalidation, or both - the result is often the same: you start to feel like you are the problem sadly. You learn to stop trusting your gut, your intuition, your emotions, and needs.
You overthink every conversation. You tiptoe around your own emotions. You apologize for having needs, for taking up space, for existing.
You might find yourself:
Rehearsing what you’re going to say - just to make sure it won’t upset them
Constantly wondering, “am I being too much?”
Editing your tone or softening your words so you don’t seem “too emotional”
Looking to others for reassurance before making decisions
Replaying and ruminating on conversations, trying to figure out if you were wrong
Feeling guilty anytime you express a need, frustration, or boundary
Apologizing even when you didn’t do anything wrong
Discarding your gut instincts in favor of someone else's opinion
Feeling unsure if something was actually hurtful or if you’re “just being sensitive”
Needing "proof" that your feelings are valid
Over time, this chips away at your self-worth and makes it harder to feel safe - not just in relationships, but within yourself. You learn to look outward for clarity and approval because your internal compass has been distorted.
This isn’t insecurity. It’s a trauma response.
This is where:
Conflict avoidance
Low self-trust & self-esteem
…often come in.
Healing From Gaslighting and Emotional Invalidation
Healing is not about getting them to validate your experience.
It’s about reconnecting to the voice inside you that always knew something felt off - and learning to trust it again.
Here’s what that might look like:
Letting “no” be a complete sentence - without guilt or overexplaining
Naming your needs, even when it feels uncomfortable
Validating your own emotions - even if no one else does
Regulating your nervous system so you can start listening to the inner voice/intuition
Learning to pause and check in with yourself first
Trusting your gut without seeking external permission
Letting your anger guide you toward boundaries and clarity
Reclaiming your voice and taking up space again
Here are specifics:
✨ 1. Self-Validation Is Key
Practice affirming your own emotions before looking for external approval:
“It makes sense that I felt hurt.”
“Even if no one else understands, this is true for me.”
“I don’t need a perfect reason to feel how I feel.”
✨ 2. Reconnect to Your Body
Gaslighting pulls you into your head - looping, overthinking, doubting.
Drop back into your body:
Place your hand on your heart
Take a deep breath
Ask: What am I actually feeling in my body right now?
✨ 3. Use Anchors of Reality
If you’re spiraling in self-doubt, pause and ask:
What did I see?
What did I hear?
What do I know to be true?
Even if the truth feels small - “I felt dismissed in that moment” - it counts.
✨ 4. Talk to Safe, Validating People
Relational trauma often needs relational repair. Connect with people who reflect your reality without trying to fix or dismiss it. That might mean therapy, a support group, or a deeply trusted friend.
✨ 5. Rebuild Self-Trust Slowly
Start small.
Make and keep tiny promises to yourself
Speak up when something feels off
Follow through on boundaries
Listen to your gut - and honor it
Trauma Therapy for Gaslighting, Emotional Abuse, and Invalidation
You’re not too sensitive.
You’re not overreacting.
You’re not imagining things.
If something felt off - it was.
Your body knew before your brain could explain it.
And your healing is not about proving it to others, but reconnecting with yourself and regulating your nervous system so you can tap back into the intuition you always had.
In my practice, I help women heal from gaslighting, emotional abuse, and the chronic self-doubt that comes from invalidation.
Together, we’ll explore where these patterns come from - and start untangling the internalized guilt, shame, and self-abandonment. We’ll work on regulating your nervous system and rebuilding your mind-body connection, so that you can tap back into your gut intuition and re-build the self trust that always existed.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Hi! I'm Alyssa! I’m a trauma therapist specializing in somatic therapy and EMDR for women navigating:
Emotional abuse, gaslighting, invalidation or neglect
Codependency, people-pleasing, and perfectionism
Relational trauma and attachment wounds
Anxiety, self-doubt, and nervous system dysregulation
✨ I provide online therapy to adults located in New York, New Jersey, Washington, DC, and Maryland.
📩 Email me at alyssakushnerlcsw@gmail.com or schedule a free 15-minute consultation to get started.
💬 Follow me on Instagram for more tips, tools, and inspiration around healing, self-trust, and mental health.
✨Not ready for therapy yet? Stay connected by subscribing to my free monthly newsletter, where I share mental health tips, a free self love mini workbook, journal prompts, and upcoming offerings to support your healing journey.
I also run an online Women’s Relational Trauma, Anxiety, & Self-Trust Support Group. We meet Tuesdays from 4:30-5:45 est and cover topics related to this blog. If you want to learn more on these patterns and how to actually overcome them, if you want to gain the support of others who are struggling with similar challenges, and you want to heal in a community of women - please schedule a free phone consultation to learn more!
Disclaimer
This post is meant for educational purposes only and isn’t a substitute for diagnosis, assessment or treatment of mental conditions. If you need professional help, seek it out.
