Signs of a One-Sided Relationship: When You’re Always the One Giving
Have you ever walked away from a relationship - whether romantic, friendship, or even family - and thought to yourself: “Why am I always the one putting in all the effort?” And left feeling like you are under-receiving.
Maybe you’re the one who always reaches out first. Maybe you carry the emotional weight of the relationship while the other person stays distant. Maybe you find yourself keeping score, not because you want to, but because deep down you know the balance just isn’t there.
If this feels familiar, you may be in a one-sided relationship. And the truth is, being the giver all the time is exhausting. It leaves you drained, unseen, and often resentful. But it doesn’t have to stay this way!
Let’s explore what a one-sided relationship really is, why so many people fall into them, the subtle signs you might be ignoring, and how to start healing these patterns so you finally create more balanced sustainable relationships that leave you feeling fulfilled.
What Is a One-Sided Relationship?
At its core, a one-sided relationship is one where the giving and receiving are out of balance. One person consistently invests more time, energy, or emotional care while the other mostly receives.
This doesn’t mean that relationships should always be perfectly 50/50. Life ebbs and flows. There will be seasons where one person needs more support than the other and can give less- during illness, grief, or big transitions. But in a healthy relationship, the effort balances out over time.
A one-sided relationship, on the other hand, feels chronically imbalanced. You’re not just having a tough season - it’s a recurring dynamic. And when this imbalance becomes the norm, it begins to erode trust, intimacy, and your sense of self-worth.
Why We End Up in One-Sided Relationships
So many of my clients ask: “Why do I always attract people who don’t give back the way I do?” The answer often runs deeper than the present-day relationship.
You may find yourself in these patterns if you grew up in environments where:
Your needs were minimized or ignored.
You were taught love was conditional - something you had to earn by being “good” or helpful.
You had to take care of others before yourself (parentification).
Conflict, rejection, or abandonment felt unsafe.
When these are your early blueprints for love, it makes sense that you learned to over-give. People-pleasing and caretaking become survival strategies. You unconsciously believe that if you do enough, you’ll finally feel safe, loved, or worthy.
Society reinforces this too - especially for women, who are often praised for selflessness, caretaking, and putting others first. But while those qualities can be beautiful, when they become one-sided, they lead to exhaustion and resentment.
Signs You’re in a One-Sided Relationship
Sometimes, imbalance is obvious. But more often, it sneaks up quietly over time. Here are some common signs I see in therapy:
You’re always the one initiating. You text first, plan the hangouts, or make the effort to repair after conflict. Without you, the relationship might fade.
You give emotional support but rarely receive it back. You listen deeply, hold space, and show up for their struggles - but when you need the same, you feel brushed off or unseen.
You minimize or silence your own needs. You tell yourself “It’s not a big deal” or “I don’t want to be a burden” when, in truth, you’re longing for care.
You feel resentful or drained. After interactions, instead of feeling nourished, you feel heavy, exhausted, or unappreciated.
You rationalize their lack of effort. “They’re just busy” or “I’m just the more thoughtful one.”
Your boundaries are crossed often. And instead of voicing discomfort, you tolerate it to avoid rocking the boat.
You feel more like a caretaker than an equal. At times, it feels like you’re their parent, therapist, or life manager, rather than a partner or friend.
If several of these resonate, it may be a sign you’re carrying too much of the relationship’s weight.
The Impact of One-Sided Relationships
Being the over-giver doesn’t just drain your energy - it has deeper consequences:
Emotional exhaustion & resentment. You end up feeling like you’re pouring from an empty cup.
Feeling unseen or unimportant. When your needs go unacknowledged, it reinforces the belief that you don’t matter.
Erosion of self-trust. You start doubting your own intuition when something feels “off.”
Reinforcing old wounds. One-sided relationships mirror childhood dynamics of having to “earn” love, keeping you stuck in a painful cycle.
Physical stress. Chronic imbalance can show up somatically - tension, fatigue, anxiety, and burnout.
Left unaddressed, resentment builds, vulnerability fades, and the relationship becomes more about obliation or history than genuine connection.
If this feels like you CONSTANTLY, you may dealing with a codependency pattern.
When This Is Codependency Not Just A Small Pattern
When this dynamic shows up consistently across relationships, it may be more than just a mismatch or a rough season. It may be high functioning codependency. Codependency isn’t about caring too much or being “too nice.”
It’s a relational pattern where your sense of safety, worth, or belonging becomes tied to being needed, helpful, or indispensable. You may feel anxious when you pull back, guilty when you prioritize yourself, or responsible for other people’s emotions and outcomes.
In these relationships, over-giving becomes a way to maintain connection and avoid abandonment, rather than a choice rooted in mutual care. And while it often looks like strength or loyalty on the outside, internally it can feel like chronic self-abandonment, fear of conflict, and a deep exhaustion from always being the one holding everything together.
When this is codependency, the fear is deeper and about losing the relationship. There’s often an underlying belief that being needed keeps you safe, and that if you stop giving, explaining, fixing, or accommodating, the connection will disappear.
You might notice that even when you’re exhausted, you struggle to pull back. Rest feels uncomfortable. Saying no feels selfish. Asking for more feels risky. And so you keep adapting instead of being honest. You stay attuned to everyone else’s needs while quietly disconnecting from your own.
Codependent dynamics often include:
• Feeling responsible for other people’s emotions, reactions, or wellbeing
• Guilt or anxiety when you prioritize yourself
• Fear of conflict, disappointing others, or being seen as “too much”
• Over-functioning while the other person under-functions
• Staying longer than you should because of history, hope, or potential
• Confusing love with sacrifice, loyalty, or endurance
What makes this pattern especially painful is that it often develops from very real relational wounds. Many people who struggle with codependency learned early on that connection required attunement, self-suppression, or emotional labor. Love wasn’t freely given. It was conditional. So your nervous system adapted.
Over time, this can create relationships where you feel indispensable but not deeply known. Needed, but not truly met. Close, but lonely.
And here’s the part I want to slow down on.
Codependency is not a character flaw. It’s not weakness. It’s not “having bad boundaries.”
It’s a trauma-informed survival strategy.
Your system learned that staying hyper-aware, helpful, and emotionally available increased the chances of connection and decreased the risk of abandonment. That pattern made sense once. But now, it may be costing you your energy, your authenticity, and your sense of self.
Shiting These Patterns Require Small Shifts can begin to rebalance your relationships.
Acknowledge the imbalance. The first step is being honest with yourself. Notice the patterns without judgment. “I’m doing most of the emotional labor here.”
Check in with your needs. Ask yourself: What am I actually wanting from this relationship? Reciprocity? Reliability? Emotional closeness?
Strengthen your boundaries. Resentment is often a sign that you’ve been saying yes when you meant no. Start small - practice declining requests that feel draining, or asking for what you need.
Communicate directly. Don’t wait for resentment to boil over. Try using “I” statements: “I’ve noticed I’m usually the one planning our get-togethers, and I’d love for you to initiate sometimes too.”
Pause and regulate. If you have a history of trauma, your nervous system may default to fawning (over-giving to keep the peace). Practices like breathwork, mindfulness, or somatic therapy can help you slow down, notice your feelings, and choose a different response.
If you cannot name your needs and realize maybe you have codependent dynamics. Then its really time to get support in therapy to explore the root and address the patterns. If one-sided dynamics show up in all your relationships, it’s rarely random. Therapy can help uncover the deeper wounds around safety, worthiness, and attachment that keep you stuck in these cycles.
From Over-Giving to Healthy Connection
Here’s the good news: being a giver is not a flaw. It’s a reflection of your deep capacity for love and empathy! But love and empathy need balance. True intimacy thrives on reciprocity.
When you begin to listen to your resentment instead of shaming yourself for it, you’ll discover it’s actually a messenger. It’s pointing you toward boundaries, authenticity, and self-respect.
Shifting from one-sided relationships to having interdependent mutual relationships doesn’t mean becoming selfish or cold. It means stepping into healthier connection - where you can both give and receive, support and be supported, love and be loved!
Because you deserve relationships that feel mutual, safe, and nourishing. And while it may feel unfamiliar at first, with practice and healing, you can step into connections where your needs do matter - and where love flows both ways.
About The Author
Hi! I'm Alyssa! I’m a trauma therapist that specializes in helping women heal from relational trauma, c-ptsd, anxiety, codependency, perfectionism, and people pleasing patterns. My approach blends holistic, somatic, nervous system care, attachment focused therapy, & EMDR.
✨ I provide online therapy to adults located in New York, New Jersey, Washington, DC, and Maryland.
📩 Email me at alyssakushnerlcsw@gmail.com or schedule a free 15-minute consultation to get started.
💬 Follow me on Instagram for more tips, tools, and inspiration around healing, self-trust, and mental health.
✨Not ready for therapy yet? Stay connected by subscribing to my free monthly newsletter, to download a free mini nervous system workbook, journal prompts, mental health tips, and upcoming offerings to support your healing journey.
✨ I also run 3 support groups - Womens Relational Trauma, Anxiety, & Self-Trust Support Group, the Codependency, Anxiety, & Healthy Relationships Support Group, and a Therapist Support & Consultation Group.
Disclaimer
This post is meant for educational purposes only and isn’t a substitute for diagnosis, assessment or treatment of mental conditions. If you need professional help, seek it out.
