What Is EMDR Therapy - And How Does It Actually Work?

Let’s talk about EMDR therapy!

You might’ve heard the term tossed around on social media or maybe your own therapist has mentioned it - but what is it really? What actually happens in EMDR, and how does it help with trauma, anxiety, or those deep-rooted people-pleasing patterns you just can’t seem to break?

As a trauma therapist in NYC who integrates EMDR into both weekly sessions and intensive therapy formats, I can tell you: EMDR is one of the most powerful and research-backed tools for deep healing. And it’s a lot more approachable (and less scary) than it might sound!

What is EMDR Therapy?

EMDR stands for Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing. It started as a trauma treatment developed in the late 1980s that’s now considered one of the most effective, research-backed ways to heal PTSD, anxiety, and complex trauma. Though, it is now a treatment used for much more than just trauma and anxiety. I will get into that next!

EMDR helps your brain and body reprocess overwhelming or distressing memories so they no longer feel like they’re happening in the present or as emotionally charged. Basically, if something causes you a lot of distress and emotionally reactivity, by the end of EMDR, the hope would be to no longer get so activated and triggered by it.

EMDR also helps with shifting negative beliefs and narratives about yourself. For ex: if you believe you are “unlovable” or “unworthy” or “helpless” - EMDR will help you change that belief and no longer deeply, truly hold it to be true. Even if right now you “logically” know the belief isn’t true, for some reason deep, deep down it feels true. This is the type of belief that in my opinion, CBT or attempting to shift thought patterns, just can’t shake - and where EMDR can actually make a big difference.

What makes it different than talk therapy is it brings in bi-lateral stimulation (which activates the right and left centers of the brain, similar to REM sleep). Some ways you can use bilateral stimulation:

-Eye movements
-Butterfly tapping
-Holding buzzers that vibrate in each hand
-Using an app that has a circle to follow back and forth
-Sound

The cool thing is:

-You don’t need to talk in detail about what happened.
-You don’t need to analyze it or over-explain.
-You simply follow a structured, healing process that allows your nervous system to finally put the past in the past.

It sounds simple - and in some ways, it is. But the results can be profound!

Who Is EMDR Therapy For?

While EMDR was originally developed for veterans with PTSD, it’s now used to treat a wide range of symptoms, challenges, and distressing experiences.

In my practice, I work with many high-achieving, self-aware adults who still feel stuck in anxiety loops, low self-worth, or people-pleasing patterns they can’t think their way out of. EMDR helps them move beyond insight and into deep transformation.

Here’s who EMDR is especially helpful for those who:

✨ Have childhood emotional neglect or abuse
✨ Have complex, ongoing, relational trauma over time
✨ Have insecure attachment styles
✨ Feel on alert constantly, frequently hypervigilant in their relationships, always waiting for the other shoe to drop
✨ Grew up feeling like the “parentified child”
✨ Constantly feel like they’re “too much” or “not enough”
✨ Struggle with internalized shame, guilt, or self-blame
✨ Have experienced gaslighting, breakups, or toxic relationships
✨ Struggle with anxiety, burnout, or chronic overwhelm
✨ Struggle to set boundaries or feel safe saying no
✨ Are constantly stuck in fight, flight, freeze, or fawn
✨ Struggle with body image challenges, low self esteem, and hold deep negative beliefs about themselves like “I’m unworthy” or “im unlovable”

If you’ve ever said, “I know it’s not my fault - but I still feel like it is,” or “I understand why I’m anxious, but I can’t stop,” - EMDR might be the missing piece!
Additionally, EMDR is now also supportive for addictions and substance use, grief, panic attacks, phobias, eating disorders, and depression!

How Does EMDR Therapy Work?

EMDR isn’t just a single technique - it’s a structured, phased process designed to help you safely access and reprocess painful memories, while building regulation and resilience along the way.

Here are the 8 Phases of EMDR Therapy:

1. History Taking & Treatment Planning

We begin by understanding your story - what you’ve been through, what still feels stuck, and what beliefs you carry about yourself (like “I’m not safe” or “I have to earn love”). We identify specific memories or themes to target in future sessions!

2. Preparation

This phase is all about building trust, safety, and stability. We’ll develop personalized resourcing tools, such as grounding, visualization, breathwork, or somatic strategies so you feel more supported and regulated during the work. I personally love to teach the window of tolerance, which is a way to understand your nervous system, stress and trauma responses, so you have an idea if and when you are activated and learn how to get back into a space of calm, safety, and regulation.

3. Assessment

We choose one “target memory” or “target issue” to start with and identify:

• the image or moment that’s most disturbing

• the negative belief it holds (ex: I’m powerless)

• the emotions and physical sensations that come up

  This helps us map how the memory is stored in your nervous system.

4. Desensitization

This is where the bilateral stimulation happens - either through eye movements, tapping, or tones. It activates both sides of the brain and allows the memory to be reprocessed, in a way that just talking about it can’t always do.

You might notice new emotions, images, or insights arise. Some clients say it feels like watching a movie of the past from a safe distance, while others describe a physical sense of release. It can help you release stored emotion, physical sensations, memories, and help develop new ways of looking at what’s happened.

5. Installation

Once the disturbance/distress level has decreased, we strengthen a new, more empowering belief - like “I’m safe now” or “It wasn’t my fault.”

6. Body Scan

We scan the body to check for leftover tension, tightness, or distress. EMDR helps the nervous system let go, not just the mind.

7. Closure

Even if processing isn’t fully complete, we close each session with grounding tools so you leave feeling calm and connected. This is especially important in early sessions.

8. Re-evaluation

At your next session, we check in on the target and your overall progress. EMDR is flexible and responsive - we go at your pace.

Can EMDR Therapy Be Done Virtually?

Yes! And it can be just as effective as in-person EMDR. I have seen it MANY times with powerful results.

We use screen-based tools for eye movements, or teach you to self-administer bilateral stimulation (like butterfly tapping).

What matters most is your sense of safety and attunement with your therapist - and that can absolutely happen over a screen.

In fact, many of my clients prefer doing EMDR virtually. Just because you can process from the comfort of your own space, without the stress of commuting or sitting in a therapist’s office post-session.

How I Personally Integrate EMDR Into Talk Therapy and Somatic Work

In my practice, EMDR isn’t a one-size-fits-all protocol. I integrate it with:

✨ Talk therapy, to help you explore patterns, insight, and self-awareness
✨ Somatic therapy, so your body feels connected and supported during processing
✨ Mindful self-compassion, especially when shame or perfectionism arise
✨ Parts work, when your inner child, protector parts, or inner critic show up

Sometimes EMDR is the centerpiece of our work. Other times it’s one of many tools we use - woven in when the time is right. I always work collaboratively, checking in often and making sure the pace feels safe!

Options for EMDR Sessions

Healing doesn’t have to look one specific way. I offer EMDR in a few formats, depending on your goals and capacity:

✨ 50-minute sessions - ideal for ongoing support and building a foundation
✨ 60-minute sessions - allows space for both talk therapy + EMDR
✨ 75 to 90-minute sessions - deeper reprocessing when you’re ready to dive in and when the average time just isn’t enough
✨ EMDR Intensives - a structured half-day or several half days that accelerates healing, often paired with custom workbooks and integration support! Learn more about general EMDR intensives here. Learn more about women’s self trust, anxiety, and trauma intensives here.

Intensives are great for clients who feel “stuck” in weekly therapy, are facing a major life event, or want to jumpstart their healing in a more immersive way.

Final Thoughts

If you’ve done the self-help books, the talk therapy, the podcasts, and still feel anxious, disconnected, or frozen in certain patterns - EMDR might be the key to unlocking something deeper.

However, I don’t want to make it seem like this is the end all be all. EMDR is not for everyone, however, the clients I personally work with have found it to be an amazing supportive and impactful approach.

It’s not magic - but it is based in neuroscience! It doesn’t erase the past, but it helps your body and brain stop reliving it.

And when you feel safe inside your own nervous system, everything starts to shift.

If you’re curious about EMDR, want to explore working together, or are considering an EMDR intensive, I’d love to support you!

About the author

Hi! I'm Alyssa! I’m a trauma therapist that specializes in helping women heal from relational trauma, c-ptsd, anxiety,
codependency, perfectionism, and people pleasing patterns. My approach blends holistic, somatic, nervous system care, & EMDR.

✨ I provide online therapy to adults located in New York, New Jersey, Washington, DC, and Maryland.
📩 Email me at alyssakushnerlcsw@gmail.com or schedule a free 15-minute consultation to get started.
💬 Follow me on Instagram for more tips, tools, and inspiration around healing, self-trust, and mental health.
✨Not ready for therapy yet? Stay connected by subscribing to my free monthly newsletter, where I share a free nervous system workbook, mental health tipcs, journal prompts, and upcoming offerings to support your healing journey.

Disclaimer

This post is meant for educational purposes only and isn’t a substitute for diagnosis, assessment or treatment of mental conditions. If you need professional help, seek it out.